


Caged

by Eve1978



Series: Caged/Torn/Fallen [1]
Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Action & Romance, Angst and Feels, Drama & Romance, F/M, Loki Feels, SHIELD, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-15 14:06:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4609545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eve1978/pseuds/Eve1978
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story that started it all for me: my very first Loki fanfic. It is in my opinion not as good as my recent stories which made me hesitant to share it, but I've gotten some nice comments lately from people telling me they are sorry they missed it the first time. It pushed me to read my own story again from beginning to end and well...it reminded me where I fell in love with Loki, and with writing.<br/>So I am going to share it here too.</p><p>Caged is the first story in a Trilogy and it tells the story of Emma and Loki. Emma works a meaningless job at Shield and goes by unnoticed every day, until the day she steps into the cell with Loki and everything changes.</p><p>This story is suitable for all ages, there's no smut and the chapters will be a lot shorter than usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

‘Is the machine broken or are you just slow?’

I rolled my eyes and saw Marcus coming towards me, with his old fashioned suit and perfect hair.  
He hadn’t said a friendly word to me since I started working here 6 months ago. He was in his early 40’s and technically my boss so I tried to ignore his rudeness.

'I’m coming,’ I shouted as I put the 3 cups of coffee on a tray and carried them to his desk. After putting the cups on the table I rushed away before he could ask me for anything else.

 I worked in the SHIELD facilities and offices in London, don’t get excited, it’s not nearly as adventurous as it sounds, I have yet to see my first Avenger and I definitely wasn’t chasing any bad guys, I was the girl who brought coffee to the guys who do paperwork for the guys that chase bad guys.

 And I’m pretty sure not a lot of people applied for the job cause I worked in the facility that harboured fallen superheroes, murderers and evil villains.  Again I have yet to see my first villain cause my job consisted solely of bringing coffee and mail around the offices and making a few phone calls now and then.  
It doesn’t get more adventurous than that!

Marcus was talking to a group of 4 other suits and I could see them all looking at me and whispering.

 Oh great, what’s wrong with the coffee now?

'Coffee lady?' he yelled.

'It’s Emma,’ I let out a sigh and tried not to look annoyed.  
I dragged myself over there and was expecting to get snapped at again but he just looked at me: ' Did I read in your resume that you finished nursing school? Is that correct?’

My mouth almost dropped, so he did know who I was.  
But then I saw my resume in his hands…or he just looked it up right now.

‘Yes that’s right, but I never actually…’

He was already talking to the other suits again and had no more interest in what I was saying.   
‘So you can work with needles and syringes?’ he asked.

Where the hell is he going with this?

'Um I guess, yeah,’ I said carefully.

He looked at the other suit again,‘ what do you think?’   
The suit nodded and spoke without any hint of doubt in his voice,‘ Yes, she’s perfect.’

 ‘For what?!’  
 I hadn’t meant to say that so loud and aggressively and I bit my lip.

The suits were talking to each other again as if I wasn’t even there and I could only make out a few sentences: ' Can we do this? We have no choice, we need a different approach…’

 ‘Marcus?’ I insisted. 

He came closer and looked me in the eyes.  
 ‘Emma, is it?’    
I sighed again,‘ Yes, it’s Emma’

'Emma, we’re going to need you to do something for us,’ he continued,' we’re not getting anywhere with one of the prisoners and we had the idea he might react better if we don’t send in another agent, he sees right through all our usual methods, it's not getting us anywhere. To make a long story short, we want to send in a regular girl, an innocent looking girl like yourself and see if he responds differently to you.’

My mouth dropped to the floor again.  
I knew that I might look harmless but I hadn’t been called innocent in a very long time.

 ‘You have nothing to fear,’ Marcus continued but it didn’t really sound reassuring to me,’ he’s all chained up and can’t hurt you, all we ask is that you go in, give him the sedation and get out. We just want to see how he reacts to you, it’s two minutes, in and out.’

I should have known right then and there that was a big lie.

I was afraid to ask my next question.

‘Who is it?’ 

His face changed into an expression that made the hairs on my arm stand up. 

‘Loki’, he said, ‘it’s Loki.’


	2. Chapter 2

Loki?! Loki of Asgard, brother of Thor, evil villain that tried to destroy the city and everyone in it, mass murderer, psychopath, alien, extremely powerful, did I say evil already? 

That’s who they wanted me to be in the same room with?

'No way, not going to happen!’ I protested,' not in a million years, Marcus!’

He said nothing but I could see him thinking, it didn't matter, there was nothing he could say to make me do this.  
 ‘I’m your boss’, he said eventually,’ if you don’t do this you’re fired.’

Ok nothing except for that...

I needed this job however mediocre it was, it took me months to find this job after I quit my previous one and I couldn’t go through that whole process again, I was still paying off bills that dated from last year. I literally could not afford to be scared, I had to do it, I had no choice.

'I want a raise,’ I blurted out.  
 ‘Done,’ he said without hesitation,’ Tim here will bring you down to the basement levels and give you clearance.’

I nodded, he kept on talking but my mind had wandered off, what did I just say yes to? 

Of all the bad decisions in my life this one had to be right up there. But I had no choice, right?   
I had to keep my job, and how bad could it really be?

By the time I walked into the lower levels of the building I just wanted to get in there and get it over with.  I got a special pass to get through all the security and Tim, who seemed even more nervous than I was about the whole thing, gave me a tour of the prison cells.

Loki’s cell was at the back and had extra security surrounding it, they were not taking any risks with him.

I didn’t know much about him apart from what everybody heard on the news, I wasn’t a fan of knowing everything that happened in the world, especially not lately, I just believed that sometimes ignorance WAS bliss, I didn’t want to walk around scared every day of my life and some things were just too scary to think of as reality, so I stopped watching the news and reading the papers, what was the point? If the city or the world was to be destroyed I’m sure I’d find out soon enough.

'Are you ready?’ Tim asked. 

I meant to say yes but I couldn’t get any sound to come out of my mouth so I just nodded.  
 ‘Don’t be scared,’ he tried to reassure me,’ he’s chained and heavily sedated, try not to engage him right away or look him in the eyes. And remember we’re only one click away if you need us, just push this button.’ 

He handed me a small device and the syringe that I was supposed to put in Loki’s arm and avoided looking me in the eye.  
 ‘Good luck,’ he muttered.

I took a deep breath as I walked towards the prison cell, one of the security guards opened the door and let me in.   
I almost jumped when I heard the door close behind me with a loud bang.

 I was in a white room, everything was so white it hurt my eyes a little. It was a big room with nothing in it, except for me and Loki.

He was standing in the back of the room, leaned against the wall, his arms were being held above his head by big chains. He was wearing black pants that were stuffed into black leather boots, and a scruffy green shirt with long sleeves.   
I couldn’t see his face as his long black hair covered most of it and his head was hanging down.

I slowly walked closer to him, he still hadn’t given me any sign that he was aware of my presence in the room. 

Should I say something?

I walked even closer until I was standing right in front of him. It was so quiet in the room you could have heard a feather drop, no that was a lie, you wouldn’t be able to hear the feather over my incredibly loud racing heartbeat. Calm yourself Emma!

I took another deep breath and looked at him, he lifted his head slowly and then I finally saw his face.   
His skin was very pale and his green eyes looked right into mine, I had never seen anyone with such piercing eyes.

 That was the moment, the moment I should have turned around, walked out of that door and never looked back. But the moment passed and I was locked in his gaze. 

Was this the monster people feared so much?  
I tried but I did not see it, all I saw before me was a broken man. 

 It felt like we stood there for quite a while, just looking into each others eyes until I finally managed to unlock mine.

I walked over to his right arm and slowly put up his sleeve, I was shaking so much and I still had to put the needle in.  I put my hand on his arm very softly, his skin was cold and I could see the bruises from the chains around his wrist.   
'It’s alright,’ I heard him say.

 His voice shook me, it was deep and raw but soft at the same time, I didn’t dare look at him again.  
I tried to remember my time at nursing school and stuck the needle into his arm, I saw him flinch for just a second.   
‘I’m sorry,’ I stuttered.

I let go of his arm and backed away, all I remember after that is trying to get out of there and avoiding his eyes.

 It wasn’t until I was out of the cell and heard the door close behind me that I realized just how much tension there had been in there. His presence filled the room and pulled you in without even doing or saying anything.

Marcus came rushing towards me.   
‘That went really well, Emma, great job!’  
 ‘How do you…?’  
 ‘We have cameras,’ he explained,’ no sound but visuals of every corner of the room, are you alright?’  

He must have noticed I was still shaking a little bit.  
‘Yes, I’m okay,’ I looked at him,’ was that all for today?’  
 ‘Yes, you can go home if you want, you did really well.’

I was okay, right? Why would I not be, it went better than I could have imagined, then why did I not feel okay?

 I entered my appartment and threw my jacket on the couch before letting myself fall onto it too.  I closed my eyes and all I could see was him staring right back at me, it didn’t feel like he was looking at me, it felt like he was looking inside me. 

Maybe that was what upset me so much, I hadn’t let anyone in for a very long time. I lived alone in my apartment, no housemates, no pets, no family living anywhere near close enough to see each other often.   
Yes it was lonely but I had gotten used to the loneliness and it was a part of me now.  I liked my apartment with its cosy kitchen, comfortable couch and my wall to wall book shelves and a few movies. I had everything I needed and for me this was a normal life. 

I hadn’t felt alone in a long time, why all of a sudden today did it feel like my heart was sinking into my chest?


	3. Chapter 3

Even though I hardly slept that night I came into work early the next morning. After 8 hours of falling back into the same dream over and over again I had to get out of my bed. I couldn’t remember what I had dreamt exactly but I knew it was about him, it was about Loki and his piercing green eyes.

I rushed through security and into the SHIELD building, it was getting a lot colder in the mornings, you could tell that winter was coming.  I went straight to Marcus his office, I woke up realizing something that morning.  
I was tired of my life and I was tired of being afraid, I knew what I wanted and I wanted to get back in that cage, I was drawn to him and I couldn’t explain it.

Before I could knock on his door Marcus opened and invited me in. 

 ‘Emma, I was hoping to see you,' he said with an enthusiasm I had never seen on him before,’ you did a great job yesterday.’  
 ‘Yes, about that…,’ I started, but he immediately interrupted me.  
 ‘We need you to do it again,’ he said.   
‘What?’

 I had made up a few good arguments in my head to make my case but it looked like I wouldn’t be needing them.  
 ‘He asked for you,’ Marcus said. 

‘He asked for me?’ I tried not to sound as shocked as I felt, ‘ What do you want me to do?’   
‘Same thing as you did yesterday,’ Marcus said,’ only now we would like you to engage him, talk to him, gain his trust.’  
 ‘Why?’ I blurted out,’ what do we want from him?’ 

Marcus hesitated as he looked at me.

'Okay,’ he said,’ what I’m going to tell you here is classified and may not leave this room, do you understand?'   
I nodded.  
 ‘We can’t find Thor,’ he explained,’ his brother.’   
‘I know who Thor is,’ I said as I rolled my eyes. 

‘He checks in with us every 6 months,’ Marcus continued,’ it’s been 9 months, none of the other avengers know anything, we have good reason to believe Loki knows where he is.’ ‘Good reason?’  
 ‘I can’t tell you anything more at this point,’ Marcus said,’ we’ve tried every possible tactic with Loki but the stick doesn’t seem to work with him, so we’re going to try the carrot now.’

 ‘I’m the carrot,’ I said softly, more to myself than to him.  
‘Pretty much, yes,’ he said,’ if you are up for it?’

I went through special security again, got my own pass this time that gave me clearance to enter the basement levels, had to sign a lot of confidentiality papers.   
After about 2 hours I was ready to go in, ready to see Loki again.

This morning I had made my mind up that this was what I wanted, now that I was standing in front of the cell nerves struck me again. 

Was this really what I wanted? Was I putting myself in harm’s way by doing this? 

Come on Emma, don’t get scared again, this is what you want, you know it is, there’s no way back now.

 The security guard nodded and I opened the cell, with my own security pass this time.

I entered the room, he was in exactly the same position as last time only now he lifted his head as soon as I came through the door.  I walked towards him, hesitant to look at him.  
 ‘It’s you again,’ he said. 

His voice gave me chills.  
 ‘My name is Emma,' I said and I managed to keep my nerves intact. 

 I looked him in the eyes, there they were, those intense green eyes I hadn’t managed to get out of my head since yesterday. Was it only since yesterday? I felt like I had known this man for a lot longer.

 I stepped closer and noticed he had blood on his arm and his forehead.  
 ‘Who did that?’ I asked softly.  
 ‘One of the guards.’  

So they just used him as a punching bag? A bad guy to work out their frustations on?

 ‘After I broke his noise,’ he said.   
‘Oh.’  

God Emma how naive are you?  He looked at me and I saw a little smirk on his face but it soon disappeared.

I came closer and pushed back his sleeve to put in the needle again. After which I wiped away the blood from his arm.   
‘Do you want me to take care of that?’ I asked.  He looked surprised.  
 ‘It’s not my blood.'

I came closer untill my face was right in front of his. I could feel him breathing and my heart started to race again. What was it about this man that made me react this way? Was it some alien trick or something?   
I let my hand go to his forehead and wiped away the blood. He moved his head forward and I felt his hair on my cheek. This was way too close for comfort yet I couldn’t move, didn’t want to move.  

‘Do you know who I am? Emma?’ he whispered.  Hearing him say my name was the most exciting thing I felt in a long time.

 ‘Do you know what I did?’ he continued,’ what I can do?’ 

His voice was sharp and strong, he was trying to scare me off.  I finally managed to look him in the eyes, they were staring at me again, staring into my soul.    
‘Yes Loki’, I said,’ I know who you are and what you did.’ 

And I don’t care…

'I could kill you in a matter of seconds,’ he whispered.

 I was well aware of that, yet I didn’t want to back away, on the contrary, I wanted to get even closer to him. 

‘You're not going to,’ I whispered.  

Where was this coming from? This was a mass murderer, I had every reason to assume he would kill me as soon as he had the chance.   
Yet I believed with all my heart that he wouldn’t.

His eyes changed, he hadn’t expected that reaction and didn’t seem to have an answer to it.  I backed away a little bit, still looking him in the eyes.  I should be afraid, I should fear this man and all he stands for, yet the only thing I felt was my fear slowly fading away until there was nothing left and being in his presence felt like the safest place I could be. 

It was official, I was losing my mind…


	4. Chapter 4

I was in Loki’s cell again the next day, I was actually looking forward to coming to work again the past days. There was no fear inside me only excitement.

'Good morning, Emma,’ Loki said with that little smirk on his face.   
'Hey Loki’, I tried not to smile back at him,’ can I give you your shot?' 

‘You can give me anything you want,’ he said in that soft raw voice while he stared at me. 

 Is he flirting with me? Or is he just playing a game with me? 

 I stepped closer and looked him in the eyes,‘ Stop doing that.’  
‘Doing what?’   
‘Trying to intimidate me,’ I said,’ it won’t work.’

 ‘Oh, but it’s already working,’ he smiled again. I sighed. 

Damned Emma, you are so transparent. What is this? Why did I leave my brain at the door every time I entered this room? It’s like I turned into some naive lovesick schoolgirl that hung on his every word. 

Really Emma, you’re 31, you’re an adult intelligent woman, well somewhat intelligent woman.  Get over it! Get a grip! 

This is just one man, granted he is a god but he is still also a man, he does not control you. 

'I need to talk to you about your brother,’ I changed the subject.   
'Well, that didn’t take long,’ he sighed,’ always my brother.’ 

He had looked away from me and I could tell this question really bothered him.  ‘Why do you care about Thor?’ he then asked.

 ‘My boss cares about Thor,’ I said,’ I actually think you are far more interesting than your brother.’ 

As soon as I said it I bit my lip, way to go Emma, keep flirting with the mass murderer!   
Really, where was this shit coming from?! 

 He looked amused and I interrupted him before he could distract me again,’ so where is he?’    
‘I have no idea where he is,’ he said cold,’ How could I? I’ve been in this cell for 15 months.’

I was shocked, he had been in here that long? Hung up by a wall in chains? Drugged and beaten almost daily? He could tell I was shaken by it. 

 ‘I deserve what they did to me,’ he said and I looked into his eyes and didn’t pull away this time,’ I deserve to stay here forever, which will be a long time for me, I killed…’    
‘I know what you did and how many people you’ve killed,’ I interrupted him, I heard my voice crack and I couldn’t help but get upset,’ I just…’ 

He looked at me in disbelief.   
 ‘You feel for me,’ he then stated.  
 ‘I don’t feel…,’ I sighed, struggling to find my words,’ I do not…' 

Damned, I couldn’t finish that sentence and make it believable.  To distract myself I put the needle into his arm. 

‘Leave’, he said cold.  
 ‘What?’  
 ‘Leave me,’ his voice sounded angry now and he shouted his next words,’ leave me!’ 

I took a few steps back, his eyes looked cold and his face had turned evil and angry while he kept shouting and rattling his chains.   
I dropped the needle and made my way to the door where Marcus was waiting to get me out. 

'Are you alright, Emma?’ his worry seemed sincere,’ sit down.'   
‘I’m fine,’ I was shaking.    
‘Get her some water,’ Marcus ordered one of the security guards.

 ‘What are you doing with him?’ I asked and my voice sounded angry towards Marcus now,’ how long does he have to be in chains?’ 

 ‘For as long as he’s alive,’ Marcus answered, he looked surprised and shocked by what I just asked him,’ listen Emma, do not let him get under your skin, he will trick you. The moment you feel sorry for this guy is the moment he will betray you, if he could he would break your neck in a heartbeat, never forget that. He may appear weak and helpless in there now but he is not. Don’t be fooled.’  

I nodded, there was no discussing this with him that was clear. I decided to stay quiet but I was screaming on the inside. 

 ‘Can I go home?’    
Marcus nodded but I could tell my question had made him uncomfortable and wary of me. I would have to be more careful what I said to him in the future if I wanted to see Loki again, and if there was one thing I was sure of it was that I had to see him again. 

He would not scare me off that easily.


	5. Chapter 5

'You need to let me back in,' I pleaded to Marcus the next day,’ I need more time with him.'   
‘I don’t know, Emma, after yesterday…’

 ‘I got a reaction from him, that’s progress, right?’ I said,’ look, Marcus, I know the risks and I want back in.’    
I could see him thinking.  

‘I’ll sign whatever papers you want stating that this is my decision and my responsibility,’ I said and I watched his expression change, I knew he’d give me what I wanted as soon as he could ditch the responsibilities.

 ‘Alright then, if you’re sure that’s what you want, it’s your life and your decision,' he sighed,’ Tim will make up the paperwork.’ 

¨¨¨

I closed the door behind me when I entered the cell, I hadn’t slept at all last night, I kept thinking about Loki’s screams and his angry eyes but not because it scared me, seeing him like that cut right through my heart. It didn’t scare me, it hurt me.

'You’re a persistent little thing are you,’ he said when I came closer.

 ‘Are you going to yell at me again?’  
 ‘Possibly.’ 

 I took another step closer to him and looked him straight in the eyes, he looked tired and his eyes were red.  
 ‘I am not leaving,’ I said firmly.  
 ‘You should,' he whispered,’ I am the monster people say I am, Emma.’ 

'Yeah yeah, I am aware of all that, and yet I don’t see it in your eyes.' 

Again he looked surprised. 

'I know, persistent,’ I tried to pierce his eyes with mine,’ I see you, it’s much easier to be feared and hated than it is to let yourself be loved. That’s why you got angry, because I came too close, right?' 

His eyes were turning angry again but that only told me I was right, he was just like me.   
In that moment, through his eyes, I could feel all his pain and rage emerge with mine. It was like he made me feel everything he had been through and everything he had lost. And I couldn’t take it.

I had to fight back my tears and wasn’t entirely successful. 

'You are even more broken than I am,’ he then said softly.   
‘Yes,’ I tried to stop crying and wiped away the tears from my face.

This was embarrassing, I didn’t want him to see me as this little weak ‘human’ girl. 

'I’ve been broken for a long time,’ I managed to start talking again,’ It is what it is, I’m used to it. Life is short and hard and people only disappoint you.' 

I saw a little smile on his face, he liked this dark depressive side. I leaned closer to give him his shot and felt how his eyes were following my every move, he was making me nervous again. 

'Is that all there is to humanity?’ he then asked,’ living a hard meaningless short life and then you die? What do you life for?' 

 ‘I’m the wrong person to ask that question,’  I couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle. 

Right now I live to be with you in this cage… 

I stared at him, his face was perfect. His skin soft and white, his hair though messy was perfectly pitch black, his lips were sensual and his eyes were an endless sea of green.   
I shivered and noticed that my hand was still on his arm where I put in the needle.  
‘ I’m sorry,’ I whispered and quickly put his sleeve back up. 

He was quiet.  I was checking his wrist for wounds from the chains when I saw his hand come closer, he was trying to grab my hand.  

This is the moment any sane person would have just took their hand away, in general when a convicted mass murderer tries to grab you, you pull away. 

But this was him, and there was nothing I wanted more in that moment than for him to touch me, so I let him… 

He let his fingers slide into mine very gently and just held my hand. I had to remind myself to keep breathing, he pulled at my hand to make me stand closer to him. My face was now inches from his, we looked at each other and I could see tears in his eyes. 

He leaned forward and placed his forehead against mine, I could feel his breath on my face and felt my heart melt. 

'Emma’, he whispered,’ you’re a stupid little human, you know this can’t end well.’  
 ‘I don’t care,’ I said softly but I let go of his hand anyway. 

‘You should, you should stay away if you know what’s good for you,’ he whispered as he pulled away from me. I stared until his eyes looked into mine again.

 ‘You can’t hurt me,’ I whispered,’ I don’t fear you and I don’t fear death, so there’s nothing you can do to me that will make me suffer any more than I already am.’ 

His eyes softened but I still saw a lot of sorrow on his face. I looked away and stepped back. 

 ‘I’m not good at following orders, just so you know. So don’t tell me what to do, I will see you tomorrow,’ I said as I left the room without looking back, not noticing how he stared at me until the door closed. 

***

An hour later I was walking home through the city, it had started to snow a little and the Christmas decorations were starting to pop up everywhere. I could see families with children who had big smiles on their faces and threw snowballs at each other, a group of teenage girls giggling, an older couple holding each other tightly as they tried not to fall when they crossed the slippery road. 

 I had never felt more out of place than I did that day, how could people just go through life without ever questioning it, like this was all they were ever meant to do. 

Everybody seemed to know how to live except for me. And while everyone else was thinking about Christmas and celebrating, all I could think about was the foreign handsome man in the cage and the chains and how broken he really was. 

I hadn’t been willing to care for anyone for a very long time, until now. He had looked into my soul and woken something up that had been dormant for years. I was in so much trouble…

I hid in my apartment and hoped sleep would come that night, it didn’t.


	6. Chapter 6

I tried to cover my face with my hair as much as possible as I walked into work the next morning. My eyes were puffy and red and my skin even paler than usual, I tried to cover it all up by using a bit more make up but it was obvious I was sleep deprived and something was off. 

 ‘Good morning, Emma,’ Marcus looked at me and gave me a little smile,’ You look lovely today.’ 

And so far for humanity’s observation skills… 

I walked to my desk and decided to do a bit of paperwork first this morning, partly because I wanted to clear my head and wake up properly but also because I was too nervous to go see Loki right now.

 I had gone through so many possible scenarios in my head last night but he was right, none of them ended well. After a while I saw Marcus pass in the hallway and shouted his name.

 ‘What can I do for you, Emma?’    
‘I need a favour. Do you trust me with Loki?’   
'Well… so far,' he said and I saw he was getting ready to refuse whatever I was going to ask.   
'I'm getting closer to him,' I continued,' but he's still holding back a lot. I want him off those chains.' 

Marcus rolled his eyes, he knew this was coming.   
‘Emma, remember how I warned you about him?’  

Oh, here we go again… 

'Marcus, you don't have to worry, I know what I'm doing,' I insisted, and tried to sound as calm as I possibly could,' he's not in my head, he is not going to compromise me, I am the one who's in control.' 

He kept looking at me as if he would find any hint that I was lying but I didn’t flinch and waited until he broke eye contact.   
'Alright then,’ he caved,' do what you feel is necessary, I'm not going to interfere.' 

I walked away and couldn’t help but smile, that was without any doubt the biggest lie I’ve ever told in my entire life. I scared myself that I was becoming so good at this. I walked into the white room, my hands were shaking but somehow I felt a little more relaxed as soon as he looked into my eyes.

Damned, the effect this man had on me was something I could not grasp! I never got infatuated easily by men or fell in love quickly, I never fell in love at all actually.  

Are you seriously using the word ‘love’ here, Emma? 

 I tried to shake it off.   
'Hello Emma.' 

Yeah, that deep voice really did not help. 

'Can we just talk?' I asked him.  
 ‘What do you want to talk about?’ he asked,’ my brother again?’ 

I sighed and let my eyes wonder to the cameras in the corners of the room, Marcus said they had only visuals and no sound but could I really be sure of that?    
I decided to ignore that possibility. 

'I don't want to know anything about your brother,' I said in all honesty. 

‘About me then?’ he asked and he looked at me with a little smile.  I was not going to engage his flirting but I turned the conversation to some more serious matters.   
'Why did you kill all those people?' 

I saw a hint of surprise on his face but he quickly recovered.  

‘They were in my way,’ he said without any emotion.    
‘Did you feel nothing after you killed them?’   
‘Should I?’ he asked,’ I did not know them, nor did I care for them, why should I feel anything?’ 

I sighed. I knew there was human emotion in there, I had seen it and felt it but just like with myself, it was buried really deep. 

'Why do you care?' he then asked,' you don't even like people.'  
 ‘I do like people!’ I protested but he gave me a look of pure disbelief, he saw right through me. 

'Okay, fine,' I admitted,' I'm not especially fond of other people, most of them suck, but… that doesn't mean you can just go around killing them.'  
 ‘Why not?’  

He wasn’t mocking me, this was a sincere question and I could not immediately think of a good answer. 

'Because…,' I said,' you just can't!'   
I came closer and stared him in the eyes. 

'I know what I did was wrong, to your human standards,’ he said,' but I don't feel that it was wrong.'  
 ‘So you’d just kill anybody?’ I asked.   
‘Not anybody,’ he whispered,’ I wouldn’t kill you.’ 

His eyes were softening again, I really couldn’t stand him looking at me like that but I also couldn't look away.   
'Why not?’ I asked hesitantly.  
 ‘Because I care about your life,’ he said,’ that doesn’t mean I care about anyone else's.’ 

I nodded and took the keys out of my pocket.  

‘What are you doing?’ he asked surprised.  
 ‘Getting you out of those chains.’  

He looked at me but didn’t say a word. I unlocked the chains on his right hand and felt his body fall forward, I put my hand on his chest and tried to push so he wouldn’t fall but as soon as I unlocked his left hand he lost all strength in his legs and pulled me down on the floor with him. 

We both fell to the ground, I grabbed hold of his shoulders and he caught me in his arms just before I hit the floor.  Suddenly I found myself almost sitting in his lap with his arms around me.  
I was unable to move or think, his chest was touching mine and I could feel his cold breath against my face. His forehead was leaning against mine, neither of us dared to look at each other. 

Before I had the chance to even think of how to react his strong arms pulled me close to him and held me tight.  This was more than a hug, he held me like he hadn’t held anyone in a very long time.

 I didn’t need anymore time to think after that cause my body took over and I held onto him like he was the last thing keeping me alive, and in some way I think he was, I hadn't felt very much alive before I met him. 

 I never knew a hug could be so intense but this one was.   
I lost all sense of time, there was no white room, no cameras, no SHIELD. All that mattered was him. 

I don’t know how much time had passed but eventually I backed away from him and looked him in the eyes. His hand was still stroking my back and I let my hands slide from his shoulders to his chest where they rested. He grabbed my hands. 

'The cameras,' I whispered.   
‘Don’t worry about that, they didn’t see a thing.’ 

I looked surprised and saw a little twinkle in his eyes. 

 Note to yourself, Emma: do not forget how powerful this man is. 

He pulled me closer again. I knew I had to leave this room but I was powerless in his arms.  I let my hands run through his messy black hair and felt his lips brush against my cheek.  

This was worse than I thought, I wasn’t losing my mind, I was losing my heart.

His lips touched mine and all my defenses broke, I kissed him back slowly. He felt soft and cold, his kiss quickly got more intense. I never wanted him to stop, I never wanted this moment to end, I just wanted to stay here, locked in his arms, his hands and his lips on me.

Stop it, Emma, stop it, stop it! 

'Stop it!' I yelled and I pushed him away. He let go immediately and looked at me with a shocked expression on his face. 

'I'm sorry,' I stuttered as I tried to stand up and get away from him,' Loki, I can't do this…' 

‘I’m not going to hurt you,’ he said.  
 ‘I know that, but I’m going to hurt you,’ I shook my head,’ you were right, this can’t end well.’ 

He didn’t have an answer to that and just stared at me with those irresistible eyes while he got up and came closer.  He stood right in front of me and I felt my defenses weaken again.  

‘How would you want it to end?’ he asked. 

I grabbed his chest and let my head rest against his again, I could see the smug little smile on his thin lips.  

He knew I was his, whether I wanted to or not, I couldn’t resist him, I needed him just as much as he needed me.


	7. Chapter 7

What followed was yet another sleepless night. I managed to get out of the prison cell and leave Loki behind. 

 To my surprise Marcus acted like nothing happened and there was nothing out of the ordinary shown on the cameras. I couldn’t believe I had gotten out of that so easily. 

But nothing seemed easy that night when the reality of it all hit me. 

I was in love with a convicted mass murderer who was in prison for the rest of his life. Oh and the rest of his life would be longer than I could imagine cause he was also an alien. 

But that’s not how I saw him of course, I saw a man with a hole in his heart, hurt and deceived by people he cared about, just a broken soul, a lost puppy looking for someone to accept and love him.  

I had fallen so hard…but now what? If I was lucky Marcus would give me another week with him, maybe two but if I didn’t come up with any results he would put me off this case and back to coffee duty. And I couldn’t blame him. 

There was no way to move forward, no future in which I could see me and Loki being together. But I also could not see any way back, there was no way I could go back to life before Loki.   
I was literally stuck.

When I walked into the office the next morning I instantly noticed something was wrong. There was a lot of commotion and more suits than usual hovering around Marcus.   
 I rushed towards him and my mouth dropped.   
His eye was black and there was blood on his ripped shirt.

 ‘What the hell happened to you?’ I asked shocked. 

He looked at me and I knew before he spoke his name. 

'Loki,' he said in an angry whisper,' he beat up 6 security guards.'  
 ‘Oh god,’ I sighed,’ are they…?’   
‘They’ll live,’ Marcus leaned against the desk,’ we had to put the chains back on, and you’re not going in today.’ 

I nodded my head in silence. Damned Loki why did you do this?! 

I knew why he did it, he was pushing everyone away again, pushing ME away.   
The question was why, to protect me? Keep me out of harm’s way? Or because he just didn’t care enough? 

I remembered his kiss and the smile on his face, I could’t believe that he just didn’t care enough. 

Without giving it any more thought  I walked straight past Marcus and headed to Loki’s cell.

 ‘Emma!’ I heard him yell.   
‘My responsibility!’ I shouted back and pushed aside the security guards and made my way to his cell. 

Loki was hanging in chains again, there was blood on his arms and face, his eyes looked cold and distant, I could see they drugged him worse than usual. 

I walked towards him until I was standing right in front of him and looked him in the eyes.   
'Are you alright?' I asked. 

He didn’t answer and for the first time his eyes had trouble staying focused on mine, it looked like his mind was somewhere else and only his body was left behind in this cell.   
'Loki,' I whispered as I brought my face even closer to his, I was still not getting a reaction. 

 I didn’t know what possessed me to do what I did next but it seemed like the only thing I could do to draw him out. I leaned in and kissed him on the lips, hesitantly and waiting for his reaction I felt my heart race fast. 

When he didn’t react I stopped and sighed but just as I wanted to back away he leaned forward and kissed me back intensely, there was no hint of doubt in his kiss and I had to grab his chest to stay on my feet cause I felt my knees buckle. 

'Emma,' he whispered.   
'Welcome back,' I smiled,' are you alright?' 

He nodded but I saw he still had trouble focussing. I hadn’t seen him this bad before and my heart sank.  
'Tell me what to do,' I said,' tell me what to do to help you.'   
'I can't stay in this cell anymore,' his voice sounded weak,' I'm just rotting away here and I know I deserve it, it is my fate and I was alright with it...but then you...' 

He didn't finish his sentence, he didn't have to, I knew what he was going to say. 

I made him feel alive and in his situation that was the last thing you wanted to feel. 

'Tell me what to do,' I begged him again.   
'No,' he said firmly,' you'll get in trouble, you can't help me.'   
'Let me help you!' I raised my voice.

'No Emma!' he shouted.   
'Stop pushing me away!' my voice now filled the whole room,' I am here and I am staying! I am not leaving you! Now let me fucking help you! Tell me what you want!'   
My fist hit him in the chest. 

He stayed quiet for a while and I felt the tears in my eyes. I didn’t know what else to say, I wanted him to let me in so badly it hurt but there was nothing more I could do or say. 

'You know what I want,' he said softly,' but that's impossible... There's only one thing you can really do to help me now.' 

I looked at him.   
'Kill me,' he whispered. 

***

Marcus was sitting in front of the tv screens and looking at the images in the cell, Tim was sitting next to him and making notes.

 ‘I told you it was all about the girl,’ Tim said,’ did you hear all that?’ 

Marcus stared at the screens where Emma was leaning against Loki and they were whispering to each other.

 ‘Every word,’ Marcus answered and he leaned back in his chair,’ Oh, Emma, what are you doing?’


	8. Chapter 8

Loki looked up when the door of his cell opened but was surprised when he saw the man instead of the girl. 

Marcus walked towards him, there was hardly any sign left of the black eye he gave him the day before.   
'You heal fast,’ Loki  remarked.  
‘We have our ways,’ Marcus answered cold. 

‘Where’s Emma?’  
 ‘You’ll be dealing with me today,’ Marcus replied,’ I’m going to ask you one last time, Loki, where is Thor?’ 

A little smirk appeared on Loki’s face.   
'I told you before,' he answered,' I don't know.'   
Marcus stepped closer to him and looked him in the eyes, Loki stared back but to his surprise he couldn’t sense anything from him. This man did not fear him either, he was clearly losing his touch with these mortals. 

'I know you're lying,' Marcus said.   
Loki let out an evil grin.   
'There is nothing you can do to me that you haven't already done before,' Loki said,' and you have NOTHING to offer me.' 

'No,' Marcus nodded,' but I have something I can take away from you now.' 

Marcus smiled when he noticed how quickly he had Loki’s attention at those words.   
'Are you okay with never seeing her again?' he then asked. 

'I don't care about the girl,' Loki said cold but Marcus had seen his expression change and noticed the look in his eyes.   
The hate had shifted to compassion, maybe even a hint of love, he cared for the girl more than he would admit to himself. 

'So you don't care if we torture her? Or kill her?' 

Now Loki’s eyes shot fire.   
'She's one of your own,' he said,' you wouldn't kill an innocent…'   
‘You give us humans too much credit,’ Marcus said with an evil grin,’ Thor can help us save many lives, the girl is just one life, it’s the lesser of 2 evils, collateral damage, the risk of the job, being one of our own she knows that.’

Loki tried to break his chains and let out an angry scream. 

'You tell me where Thor is and the girl lives,' Marcus threatened,'it's quite simple really.'   
'If you lay one finger on her I will not stop until every last person in SHIELD is dead!', Loki yelled,' I will never let you walk away! Your city and your world will pay!'   
His voice sounded so angry and twisted it made Marcus take a step back, it had been a while since he had seen the monster come out but it was still there.

 As quickly as the rage emerged Marcus could see the anger settle down in Loki’s eyes, he realised he had no choice.   
'I'll tell you where my brother is,' he said softly,' but I want to see Emma one more time.' 

'Sure, why not,' Marcus said with a smug smile on his face as he headed for the door.  

***

I was walking the streets of London that night, I couldn’t spend another sleepless lonely night in my empty bed. However disconnected I felt from other people, this night I wanted to just go up in the crowd and feel life around me.

'Kill me.' 

I kept hearing his words in my head, how could he ask me that?! 

I settled in my seat by the window of a coffee house and looked at the little snowflakes falling outside, it was Christmas Eve and the city was celebrating. I sat there for several hours just looking at the snow and the Christmas lights, ordering more coffee and going over every possible scenario in my head again. 

Loki couldn’t bear to be alive in that cage any longer and I couldn’t bear for him to be dead.   
So that left me with only one option really…I had to get him out of there, I had to help him escape from SHIELD. 

I ignored my brain as it was screaming ‘best plan ever Emma! Have you lost the last bit of sanity you had left?!’ 

Well apparently I had, because the longer I sat there the more a plan started to form in my head and the more I started to believe I could actually make this work.   
I had to at least try, for him. Thinking about him all alone and chained up in that prison cell broke my heart again, like it had so many times since I first saw him.  

I made my decision right then and there, there was no way back, I was going to help him and I didn’t care what might follow. I finished my last coffee and put on my coat and gloves before heading out in the cold. 

Now that I knew what I wanted to do I did not want to give myself more time to think about it or to back out.  I was going to SHIELD right now.


	9. Chapter 9

It was calm in the SHIELD offices, thank God for Christmas eve.  I tried not to attract too much attention as I was walking to my desk, trying to act casual. I was just here for some routine paperwork, nothing suspicious going on here, I am definitely not here to help an alien killer escape and let him free in our world, no sir absolutely not! 

‘Emma!’ 

I jumped and my heart stopped for a second as I turned around and saw Marcus. Damned, what is he doing here? Doesn’t he have a family to be with on Christmas eve?

 ‘Working late on a night like this?’ he asked with a little sympathetic smile.  
‘Actually I just got in,’ I said,’ I… um… wanted to check on Loki.’ 

He nodded and he was staring, there was a funny look in his eyes that I couldn’t place, it made me nervous, more than I already was.   
'Look Marcus,’ I sighed,’ you were right…I know, I’m too involved, he found a way into my head and…I’m not trained for this, I don’t want it anymore.' 

I could see the surprise in his eyes.   
'I want to go back to my desk job,’ I said,’ no more interrogating killers for me, is that okay?’

 ‘I guess… if that’s what you want, I'm sure we can arrange that,’ Marcus agreed.   
‘Just let me go see him one last time,’ I said as I walked past him. 

I tried to calm my heart as I closed the door of his cell behind me. Loki was sitting on the floor, there was no sign of his chains.

Why was he not in chains? 

I rushed towards him,’ Loki, listen to me.’ 

He grabbed my hands as he stood up and before I even realized what was happening he had pushed me up against the wall.

'Be quiet,’ he spoke softly, his whole body was leaning against me and his eyes were urging me not to make a sound. I stopped talking and just looked at him.  

‘I need you to leave and never come back here,’ he said.   
‘But, no, it’s okay, I know what to do now,’ I insisted.   
‘Stop talking!’ his voice sounded angry now and I could feel his grip on my hands getting tighter. 

'It’s over,’ he continued,’ I made a deal with your boss.' 

All I could do was stare into his eyes, those piercing green eyes.   
 ‘I give him Thor and he sends me back to Asgard,’ he explained. 

'Give him Thor? Give him Thor?!’ my voice sounded angry now,’ I thought you didn’t know where Thor was!’ 

‘And you believed me?’ he laughed, it was an evil laugh that changed his face into something I hadn’t seen before,‘ you really are a naive little human girl, aren’t you my sweet Emma?’ 

I pushed him away from me and he stepped back and gave me another evil grin. 

'Who are you?’ my voice was about to break as I stepped back from him. I didn’t recognize this man standing before me but it was not my Loki.

'You’ve known who I was right from the start. Do you see it now? The monster? Now do you see it, Emma?’   
He was screaming at me, I stumbled towards the door as the tears were starting to fall down my face.

 I felt like I had stepped into a nightmare and this wasn’t really happening. I wanted to believe he was just pushing me away to protect me again but this felt nothing like that, this felt real.

I was tricked, he tricked me. He played with me for his own amusement, or because he was bored, until the opportunity arose where he could use me to get what he wanted from Marcus. It didn’t even matter anymore. 

My tears turned into anger and he saw it and smiled, for the first time I didn’t want him to get closer, for the first time he scared me and all I could think of was getting away from him. 

I shut the door behind me and I ran, through the halls of SHIELD, through the parking lot, through the streets of London filled with Christmas trees and lights.

I ran until I reached my apartment and closed the doors behind me, I was gasping for air, between the crying and the running I was hardly breathing at all as I sank to the floor. 

I was going to set you free, you fucking idiot!  Marcus will die before he will send you back to Asgard, freaking alien moron!  

I screamed and cried as I hit the floor with my hands. But it didn’t matter how angry I was with him and how many names I called him, my heart was still longing to be with him.

 I was the biggest moron in this story.

***

Tim was working late too on that Christmas Eve, he had been checking the cameras from Loki’s cell all night. He had seen him fight with the girl and seen her storm out of there, but something wasn’t right.    
They knew Loki had tricked the camera before, Tim had been rewinding the footage from that fight and watched it at different speeds and in different layers for over an hour now until he finally found it: the anomaly. 

He played the file again and saw what he was looking for, Loki looked different in this file, he did not sound angry or evil but sad and defeated, when the girl left he was screaming in agony and his face was covered in tears.

It actually hurt him to hurt the girl.  

Tim shook his head in disbelief, ’ Well shit, she did tame the monster.’


	10. Chapter 10

I don’t remember how but I managed to find the way to my bed and actually sleep for a few hours that night. It was like waking up from a dream and realising you were living a nightmare. 

Visions of Loki’s angry face kept returning as I dragged myself out of bed. 

I needed coffee, lots of coffee! 

I still could not understand what had actually happened the night before. I mean I know what happened but I still didn’t understand why, why he did what he did.

But if he is the villain he doesn’t need a motive, does he? Just causing someone pain would be enough. But why me? Had I really been so wrong about him? 

I was giving myself a headache again, I should just crawl back into bed and sleep this day away, forget the past weeks and go back to whatever was left of my pathetic life.  

To distract my thoughts I turned on the tv and heard a special news bulletin. 'SHIELD head quarters in London are still not giving out any more information about the prison break this morning, rumours say the prisoner who escaped is none other than the Norse God Loki.’ 

My cup of coffee hit the floor and fell to pieces as my eyes shot up to the tv screen. 

Just as I wanted to turn up the volume I heard noises in the hallway, I ran to the door but couldn’t find my keys.  Where the hell did I leave them last night? 

By the time I found them, hidden somewhere in the couch, the noise and whoever caused it was long gone.  Shit!  
Before closing the door again I noticed an envelope on my doormat, it didn’t have an address but there was one sentence written on it:  ‘Thought you should know’

Inside the envelope was a small usb stick, I hurried to put it in my laptop and saw it was a video file. 

What the hell?

This was Loki’s cell, and there was me, this was last night, only it wasn’t…it was different, I’m sure I remembered my part in the fight but HE was different.

 I leaned in closer so I could see his face properly, I saw pain and tears, this wasn’t the same man I saw last night, the man that got so angry and made me fear him. This was not him, this was my Loki.  
 He had been tricking someone last night only it wasn’t me. 

'Oh my god…’ 

I gasped for air and tears filled my eyes. How could I have doubted myself so easily, doubt him so easily?  
 I rushed to the bedroom and put on a jeans and a clean sweater, stepped in my leather boots and took my coat. 

But I had no idea where I was going. What was I even doing? !

Think Emma! Who sent you this file and why? And if they had been able to see through Loki’s trickery who else has? Did Marcus know? Did SHIELD know?  

Damned, this was too much for my little brain to figure out, I didn’t have a clue who was on my side and who wasn’t, I didn’t even know what ‘being on my side’ meant, but I knew I couldn’t just sit here and do nothing. 

***

I walked into SHIELD half an hour later, it should be dead calm on Christmas day but after the prison break they doubled the security and the place was bursting with energy.  Okay, so I was here, now what? 

The day before I strutted in here with a clear plan in mind, right now I had no idea where to start.  I was on my way to the lower levels when I ran into Tim.   
‘Hey Emma.’  
 ‘Hey, what’s going on?’ 

I decided to play dumb and act like I knew nothing about the whole situation.  
 ‘I don’t know, I just got in,’ he responded,’ but you saw the news right? Loki’s missing.’  
 ‘Missing?’ I said in shock. 

‘He escaped early this morning’ Tim continued.  We were both walking downstairs when Marcus came up. 

‘Marcus, what happened?’ Tim rushed towards him.  
 ‘Later, Tim,’ he said,’ Emma, my office now!’ 

Oh no, that didn’t sound good at all...

Tim gave me a sympathetic look as he continued walking down the stairs. I hesitated but had no choice but to follow Marcus.  I almost had to run to keep up with him, he held the door open until I was in his office and closed it behind me. 

Okay let me have it…

'Why are you here?’ he asked in an angry whisper.   
‘What do you mean?’ 

He was looking over my shoulder to make sure nobody was watching us.  
 ‘Why did you come in?’ he repeated,’ did you not get my video?’ 

My mouth dropped. 

'YOU sent me that?’ I looked at him in disbelief.  
 Marcus let out a deep sigh and looked me in the eyes.   
‘Listen, we don’t have a lot of time to talk,’ he said,’ Tim brought me that file and I’m trying my best to keep it quiet.’

 ‘Why?’    
‘Because,’ he was checking the hallway again,’ I put you in there with him, it’s on me. And I saw you ran out last night, you deserve to know the truth.’ 

All I could do was nod, of all the people I thought were on my side…

 ‘I regret nothing, Marcus,’ I said,’ if you had sent me in there with him today I would do it all again.’  
 ‘I know you would,’ he said,’ that’s why I had to send you that file.’

 I almost felt the urge to hug him, almost…  
 ‘So what now?’ I asked him. 

He walked towards his desk and got a small envelope out of the drawer.

 ‘You know he’s going to come for you,’ he said.

 I had never wanted Marcus to be right about something as much as I did right now. 

‘You can’t stay in your home if he does,’ he warned me,’ I can’t stop SHIELD from investigating and I don’t know if Tim will stay quiet.’   
He handed me the envelope.  
 ‘This is a safe house from Stark,’ he said,’ it’s old and no longer in SHIELD’s database but it’s still there and it’s empty.’  
 ‘What about Stark?’ I asked. 

‘Do you know how many properties he has on his name? He doesn’t know about this place, trust me.’   
I nodded.  
 ‘I do now,’ I said as I looked at him. 

We were both quiet for a while. 

‘Marcus,’ I started talking but he raised his hand to interrupt me. 

‘Keep him close to you and don’t ever forget what he is,’ he said,’ don’t make me regret this.’ 

‘Thank you for this,’ I looked at him one more time before I walked out of his office. 

I walked out of SHIELD and felt the snow fall on my face. I couldn’t help but smile, even though I didn’t know where Loki was, he was free and it wasn’t like anybody could really hurt him. 

With all my heart I was hoping I could see him again, I could hear Marcus his words in my head ‘he will come for you.’ 

Oh please let that be true, wherever you are my Loki, please come find me.


	11. Chapter 11

My initial feelings of ‘we belong together and he’ll be at my doorstep any minute now’ began to change after 3 days of waiting.  
 I went from ‘so he really doesn’t care’ to ‘he cares enough but just can’t find me’ to ‘you’re a stupid lovesick little girl and will be alone forever’.

Because really how hard could it be for a god to find one human girl in the same city?  

Christmas had passed and a new year was just around the corner.  I hadn’t left my apartment for over 3 days cause I didn’t want to miss him when he finally knocked on my door. I ordered in food and had cleaned every room from top to bottom.  

That night I just had enough of waiting, I needed fresh air, I even felt the urge to be surrounded by people for a little while, if Loki wanted me he would just have to wait, I was done!   
 I took my coat and opened the door when my heart stopped. I looked right into those green eyes. 

Well, why didn’t someone just tell me all I had to do was open my door?  

He was wearing a long black coat and had a scarf around his face which he took off as soon as he saw me.  
 ‘Emma..’ 

 ‘Get in here!’ I pulled him inside and shut the door, I didn’t want him to be seen by any of my nosy neighbours, me having a guy in my apartment would be big news since that hadn’t happened since…never. 

He was here, in my apartment, no cameras, no chains or prison cell, he was right in front of me close enough to touch and I was suddenly shaking. He took my hand and pulled me close to him. 

‘You’re cold,’ I whispered.   
‘Frost giant,’ he simply stated,’ I am so sorry, Emma.. I had to make them believe I wanted nothing more to do with you, I couldn’t risk them coming after you.’   
‘I know.’  

His eyes were staring.

‘I wasn’t sure you’d come,’ I said as I stared back.   
‘You’re mine, of course I came, I’ll always come for you.’

I was starting to feel a lot warmer suddenly.  He leaned against me and I put my arms around him, finally not having to hold back for the cameras, I took off his coat and he threw the scarf on the floor before he started kissing me.

His kisses were so cold and so hot at the same time, I got lost again. He took off my sweater and I felt his cold soft hands on my skin. It felt like our first kiss, everything around me disappeared, it’s like there was nothing left except me and him, and he was all that mattered now. 

Everything after that was hazy, I remember him taking off my clothes, and taking my hands before pushing me on my bed, and I remember him taking control, I remember his eyes on me the entire time.   
I used to laugh when people talked about two becoming one but there’s no other way to describe it, we just melted together and for that one moment everything was right with the world, everything was perfect, I never wanted to let him go.    
I fell asleep in his arms for a few hours after that. 

I had snuck out to the balcony when I woke up around 4 am, put on a jeans and warm sweater and just watched the lights of the city. There was a little bit of snow falling and the city was quiet, the calm before the storm.

Today was December 31. Tomorrow would be a new year and I had no idea what it would bring for me. The future scared me but also filled me with excitement that I hadn’t felt in years. For the first time I was looking forward to the future and my life, however uncertain it was, if I had Loki everything would be alright.

It’s a good thing we don’t know our fate, I still don’t know if I would have changed anything. Would I not have opened the door? 

Would I not have gone with him if I had known right then and there that I would die before the new year began? 

I looked up when the door to the balcony opened and Loki came outside, wearing nothing but pants. His skin looked even paler in the moonlight and his eyes lit up even more. 

'Come back inside,’ he said with a sleepy voice and he took my hand.

 I put my arms around his waist and buried my head against his chest.  
 ‘You’re freezing,’ I whispered. 

He looked at me in disbelief.   
‘You do know what I am right?’ he asked.   
‘Yes,’ I smiled,’ but I’m getting cold just looking at you.’  

He pulled me inside and closed the door, pulled off my sweater and kissed me again. 

'Is that better?’ he asked softly.  I nodded while I let my hands run across his chest and we leaned against each other, his forehead touching mine while he smiled and pulled me close. I just couldn’t stop touching him.

Try and focus for a second, Emma.

 ‘We can’t stay here,’ I said,’ they might still look for you here, I can’t risk it.’   
‘Then we’ll go,’ he said without asking any more explanation,’ in the morning…now you’re coming back to bed with me.’ 

He put his arms around me and lifted me to the bedroom. We both laughed out loud when we fell on the bed, it didn’t matter what tomorrow would bring, tonight everything was perfect and I felt happier and more loved than ever before.


	12. Chapter 12

I packed a few clothes and my laptop in a small bag that morning, after having breakfast with Loki, cold pizza from the night before was all the food I had left in the apartment, we dressed warm and ready to face the snowy streets of London. 

The safe house was about 2 hours away by train, I figured it would be so busy in the city today we could easily blend into the crowd. 

I took one last glance at my living room and kitchen wondering if I would ever come back here.  Loki noticed the look on my face and came closer, he carefully took my hands and sat me down at the barstool in my kitchen. 

He stared into my eyes and sighed, I could see the troubled look in his eyes as they met mine.   
‘Are you sure? Are you sure you want to come with me and leave your life behind?’ he then asked,’ Because I don’t know where it will lead us and if you’ll ever get to come back.’

 I nodded.  
 ‘There’s nothing here to come back for,’ I said,’ I’m sure.’   
‘Do you know a place?’ he asked.   
‘Yes.’  
 ‘Is it safe?’   
‘I believe it is, safer than here anyway.’

 ‘Let’s go then.’ 

We walked along a busy Oxford Street, Loki was wearing the black coat he stole somewhere the day before and his black hair was completely hidden under a cap. He carried the bag with my clothes and laptop over his shoulder.  

We walked down the stairs to the London Underground.   
'Just follow me and act normal,’ I said, and I realised how stupid that sounded, his idea of normal would probably make him stand out more than anything. 

‘Just…act like you’re supposed to be here,’ I then said.  

He stayed close to me and took my hand again, I loved when he did that, it made me feel protected, though he probably only did it not to lose me in the crowd.    
We boarded the train, together with the rest of London it seemed, we barely had room to stand.  

Loki managed to find us a spot near the door, I leaned against the wall and he leaned against me, his eyes focused on mine. Was it warm in here? How could he make me melt with just one look?    
He closed his eyes for a second. 

'Are you okay?’ I asked softly.   
‘Too many humans,’ he whispered in my ear.   
‘I know,’ I smiled,’ just focus on me.’ 

He leaned closer and kissed me softly.   
'That’s not what I meant,’ I said but my hands had already made their way around his waist underneath his coat and I just rested my head on his shoulder.  He put his arms around me, the more time I spent with him the harder it became for me to see him as the killer that he was. He treated me nicer than any guy ever had before, and he was affectionate, of all the things that was probably what surprised me the most. 

I didn’t want to lose this, I didn’t want anybody to take him away from me and standing there in his arms I realized I was willing to fight for him, for us.

'Emma,’ he whispered,’ don’t look up, there are 2 men at the other end of the train, they’ve been looking at us the entire time now.’ 

My heart stopped, maybe they were just staring like some people stare when they see a happy clingy couple in public, but as I turned my head around slowly I saw them. They reminded me of the suits that were always hanging around Marcus, they had SHIELD written all over them. 

 ‘Damned,’ I hid my head behind his shoulder,’ we’re getting off at the next stop.’ 

As soon as the doors opened we rushed out and disappeared into the crowd, I tried to look back to check if they had followed us but I couldn’t see them. It was too crowded and Loki was pulling my hand, I knew he had no idea where he was going but I followed him anyway, we went up the stairs and back outside on the street. 

 It felt like we had been underground for days when we finally reached the surface, it was a relief to breathe the fresh air again and feel the snow on my face. The sun was starting to go down already but it was still clear outside.

 Loki looked at me and I saw a little smile on his face, I smiled back at him as we walked the white streets of London. 

If only they had left us alone after that it could have all been so different. I would have kept him close to me forever and we would have been happy, we would have saved each other, the monster would have stayed away and no one would have had to die.


	13. Chapter 13

We walked for about an hour, when Loki was convinced we weren’t followed anymore we found a spot on a bench near the river Thames to rest for a while. Loki removed the snow from the bench and we sat down.  

We could see the Tower bridge and the Tower of London close by, the city was covered in lights and excitement as new years eve approached. A lot of people were out in groups and ready to party. 

Loki pulled me close to him and I put my arms around him to hug him, we blocked out the noise from everyone around us and just had eyes for each other. I could have wandered the streets of London with him forever. 

 ‘This place is beautiful,’ he said. He had an air of calm over him since he entered my apartment that night and I could feel it too, he silenced my inner demons and I know I did the same for him. 

'Are you happy?’ he asked.  
 ‘Right now? Yes,’ I smiled,’ for the first time in a while I actually am.’ 

‘You know those men out there, or anybody else who insists on following us, they don’t have to be a problem,’ he then said,’ I can take care of them all…’   
‘No!’ I quickly interrupted him and bit my lip.  

I can’t say I wasn’t tempted to let him, I cared more about this one man in front of me than about some random stranger in the street, but to willingly let him take innocent lives? I just couldn’t say yes to that. 

'No,’ I repeated,’ no killing, Loki. Promise me no killing.'   
His eyes pierced mine as if he was looking for a way to understand, I could tell that he didn’t.   
 I put my hands on his face and kissed him slowly, he pulled me closer and his kisses got more passionate.  It was getting more difficult to not just say yes and let him unleash his powers, but if I couldn’t even keep my humanity than how was he supposed to? 

I broke the kiss after a while and let my forehead rest against his. 

‘Promise me,’ I repeated.   
‘I can’t, Emma,’ he said, with a sad look on his face,’ I can’t promise you that and I won’t.’  
 I stared at the water but nodded my head. 

Of course he couldn’t. 

His hand caressed my hair and I looked at him again.   
‘It’s okay, I understand,’ I said,’ we should get going.’ 

We walked away from the river and found the nearest underground station for another attempt at reaching the safe house.  Just as we got to the platform Loki pinched my hand. 

‘The same men,’ he whispered,’ but more of them now.’ 

He started walking faster and we hurried to another platform, I looked behind me and saw 5 men starting to run at the exact moment we started walking faster.   
They had guns and two of them were already pointing their guns at us. 

You’ve got to be kidding me!  This was real, they were after us, and if they really were SHIELD they would stop at nothing until they’ve caught him…or us. 

Our fast walk had turned into a run, more men were following us now. 

‘Emma,’ Loki yelled,’ let me…’  
 ‘No!’ I interrupted him immediately and kept running. 

We managed to slip into a big crowd that just stepped off a train and we lost them for a moment. Loki pulled me up another set of stairs that lead to another platform where a train was just about to leave, I could see the men coming up the stairs already. 

'What now?’ I was starting to panic.  Loki was looking everywhere, searching for something he didn’t find and then he stared at me.

 ‘Emma,’ he said,’ I’m sorry, there’s no other way.’  
 ‘What do you mean?’ I took his hands and suddenly felt scared. 

‘You know the big bridge with white and blue we just saw?’Loki asked .  
‘Tower bridge,’ I said confused.   
‘Meet me there in an hour,’ he was pushing me closer to the train,’ If I’m not there just go on without me.’   
‘What are you doing?’ I was trying to hold onto him but he kept pushing me away. 

'They want me, not you,’ he said softly and with one last little push I was on the train and could do nothing but watch the doors close before my eyes while Loki was standing on the other side and out of my reach.

The train was moving and Loki was still standing on the platform with his sad eyes staring down at me. I hit the glass doors and screamed his name in anger and panic, panic that I would never be able to see or feel him again.

 That thought was more scary than any number of men with guns, I ran to the side of the train and hit the emergency break, with a heavy noise the train stopped in its tracks, we had only moved a few feet, I could still see Loki looking at me from a distance.  

Panic broke out on the train and people wanted to get off as soon as possible.  I started pushing people aside and fighting my way through the carriage and into the next one until I found an open emergency door that led to the tracks where I could climb out. 

I felt like Rose leaving her safe spot in the life boat and jumping back on the Titanic just to be with Jack. 

I didn’t understand it when I first saw the movie, I thought she was a stupid silly girl to risk her life for a man, but I got it now. She wasn’t scared for her life because she would rather die with him than having to go on living without him. I knew what it meant now and I understood it was her only choice.

I ended up on the tracks and was ready to climb up when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me on the platform. I stared into his pretty green eyes and smiled.   
His one eyebrow was raised and he clearly looked annoyed. 

I believe Rose got a bit of a warmer welcome but I still couldn’t stop smiling when I felt his hands on me.

'You jump I jump,’ I quoted Rose and put my hand on his chest before pulling him along,’ Come on, let’s go.’

 ‘Mortals,’ Loki rolled his eyes but took my hand as we disappeared into the crowd. 

The chaos caused by the train actually worked in our favour and we managed to get out of sight from the SHIELD agents.  

‘This way!’ Loki yelled as he jumped on the tracks and lifted me off the platform. 

We disappeared into the dark and left the chaos behind us.


	14. Chapter 14

I tried to keep up with Loki as he was running down the dark tunnel on the tracks, we were alone but I could hear noises and footsteps in the distance. They were still following us. 

I was catching my breath and had to stop for a minute. Loki was with me in an instant and grabbed my arm. 

'We can not afford to stop Emma,’ he insisted,’ we have to keep going.' 

'I can’t,’ my voice was breaking, I hated sounding so weak but I really couldn’t run anymore, my muscles felt like they were on fire and it felt claustrophobic in these long dark tunnels. 

I could hear the footsteps coming closer and couldn’t stop the tears, my weakness would be our downfall.   
'Go without me,’ I yelled,’ Go Loki!' 

He looked at me and then at the tunnel, he lifted his hands and I could see some sort of energy coming from him, he had to focus really hard to keep it going. The footsteps were coming closer and I could hear voices now, I feared what he might do and shook my head. 

'Come here,’ he yelled and he reached out his hand, I took it and stepped into the circle of energy, he wrapped his arms around me and I closed my eyes. 

I could hear the group of agents coming closer and closer and then all of a sudden I could hear the noises move away from us in the other direction. 

They were gone. 

'What did you do?’   
'I just played a trick on them,’ Loki said. 

'Why didn’t you do this before?’ I asked surprised but before I got my answer he sank to his knees and there was an expression of pain on his face. 

Ohh that’s why… 

'Because it takes a lot out of me,’ he whispered as I helped him up,’ I used up all the energy I had left to escape, and that human poison you injected me with every day is still inside me making me weaker than I should be…it would cost me less energy to just kill them.’ 

I looked away, he was right, I put it in him and he was refusing to kill because I asked him not to. I’m the reason we’re here, this is my fault. 

He took my hands and leaned his head against mine.   
'Stop whatever you are thinking,’ he said as he put his arms around me,’ you are all that matters.’   
I pulled him close to me. 

'You are all that matters to me too,’ I whispered. He kissed me and I felt the world fall away again, it filled me with a new energy. 

We were going to get out of this tunnel, I was going to ignore the pain and run like there was no tomorrow, because for all we know there wouldn’t be…

'Ready?’ Loki asked. 

I nodded and we started running again, we ran back the way we came from hoping to have lost them and it seemed like we did. For some time we were all alone in the tunnel, I could see the light at the end where I stopped the train a few hours back. 

I couldn’t help but start smiling, we were almost there but then something hit me. I mean something literally hit me, one moment I was running and the next I was lying on my back on the tracks. 

I didn’t feel any pain and I had no idea what had happened until I felt something warm and wet running out of my chest, something did hit me, it was a bullet.

My eyes were getting sleepy and I felt the world fall away again, only not in a good way this time. 

When I opened my eyes I could see Loki running towards me, he looked horrified, fell to his knees beside me and pushed both his hands on the bullet wound. 

'Noooo! Emma! Look at me!’ his voice sounded far away and strange, my eye sight was blurry but it seemed like his face was covered in tears.

I took his hands with the last bit of strength I had in me, trying to hold onto him even though I was drifting away.  
Somehow I knew I would be gone soon, every part of me knew I was dying and though I wanted nothing more than to stay here with him I felt strangely calm. 

'Emma, please, stay with me,’ Loki was clinging to me and shaking my body hard, trying desperately to keep me here but my soul was already leaving. 

'It’s okay,’ I whispered with my last breath,’ it’s okay, Loki. Please don't...' 

The last thing I heard was the scream, Loki’s scream, it was the saddest, most desperate but also the most horrifying and angry scream I had ever heard.

My death had just awoken the monster.


	15. Chapter 15

It was dark, it was darker than dark, I had never seen blackness like this, it felt endless and I no longer had any idea of time and space, all I knew was that I was falling and I kept falling while something was trying to pull me back. 

I was trying to scream but no sound came out, I fought back whatever was pulling me and all of a sudden I let out the hardest rawest scream I could. 

I couldn’t move, my hands were stuck and I was lying on my back. There was light, way too much light, it hurt my eyes. I kept screaming and trying to move but I couldn’t get up and everything was too bright.

Please just let me fall back into the darkness already… 

After lying there for a while in between consciousness and sleep I could distinguish voices. 

'We need help in here… get doctor Nichols..she’s awake…does she remember anything?' 

***

So obviously I didn’t die permanently, who would know my story if I was no longer around to tell it? 

But I did die in the London underground. 

I was dead for 5 minutes before a paramedic revived me. The chaos caused by the train that I stopped had made police and medical teams make their way down there as soon as possible, which was the only reason they got to me in time. 

I didn’t remember any of that though, I remember getting shot and dying, and waking up in this hospital bed. 

Nora was the young nurse that took care of me in the first days after I woke up, 2 weeks had passed since the incident underground. 

'I’m sorry,’ Nora said while she uncuffed my hands,’ you were hurting yourself in your sleep, we put them on to protect you.' 

'I understand.’

She was testing my eyes and my reflexes, at first sight everything seemed to be fine.   
'You’re doing well,’ she smiled. 

Physically that may have appeared to be true, my insides however were still screaming in agony all day long. 

It was four days ago now that Nora gave me the newspapers and let me watch the news online. I was hardly able to breathe while I watched what happened while I was dead. 

There were 248 victims, the number was engraved into my memory now. Loki had been furious, after killing the agent who killed me and all the other agents he could find, he made his way outside the Underground station, killing 248 innocent people on his way. 

After that he disappeared and according to the latest articles he had gone back to Asgard. 

 

248 casualties, I should feel bad about that but I didn’t even care about all the lives lost, all I cared about was the one person who killed them, and that he was taken from me. 

In the end the villain was still the villain, and my love couldn’t change that, on the contrary. Love is what brought the monster back to life. 

I cried more tears than I thought was humanly possible in those weeks, Nora had to sedate me daily to keep me calm and keep me from hurting myself. She stayed by my bedside a lot. 

After another 3 weeks I had finally stopped crying on a daily basis. It still hurt like hell though, but I was still alive, and so was Loki.

It was the only thing I had to hold on to. I could still see his face, feel his eyes stare into mine, feel his cold passionate kisses and I could hear his deep sensual voice over and over in my mind.

'You’re mine, I’ll always come back for you..’

***

Two months later 

 

Marcus was sitting behind his desk in the SHIELD offices when there was a firm knock and the door opened. He stood up and looked right at a big, bulky and very blond guy who gave him a bright warm smile.

He could not have looked more different than his brother, how the whole adoption thing was ever even a issue baffled Marcus. 

'Thor, it’s an honor to meet you,’ Marcus said as he stood up and shook his hand. 

'The honor is truly mine,' Thor said with a smile,’ I want to thank you for not giving up on the search and for forcing my brother to speak up, if there is anything I can do to repay you…’ 

'Well, there is one thing you can do for me,’ Marcus said,’ can you give a message to your brother?   
'Of course,’ Thor answered without any hesitation,’ what is the message?' 

Marcus sighed,’ Tell him…tell him the girl is alive.' 

***

To be continued…


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